🕳️ #MAINBASTARDS: Why America and Russia Both Think the Royal Family Run Ukraine

A modern geopolitics explainer for sane people and why negotiations will always fail

Here’s the strangest overlap in modern politics:

Why it feels like the current world was scripted by a drunk AI, a bored God, or Lyndon LaRouche’s ghost.

We are living in a geopolitical moment where the President of the United States and the President of Russia share a belief, genuinely, earnestly, unironically, that the United Kingdom has been secretly running Ukraine.

• Not Europe.

• Not NATO.

• Not the Biden administration.

• No, the British.

And not even modern British power structures like the Treasury, City of London, or GCHQ.
We’re talking full LaRouche-lore:

• MI6.

• The Windsors.

• The “Anglo-Saxon deep state”.

• The Queen of England (yes, the dead one) pulling strings across continents.

You couldn’t make it up if you tried.
Except someone did, LaRouche, and both Moscow and MAGA ate it whole.

Let’s walk through this fever swamp.

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👑 The Queen-as-Global-Puppeteer theory didn’t die, it just migrated online

Lyndon LaRouche claimed for 50 years that:

• the Queen ran the global drug trade

• MI6 controlled the CIA

• Britain provoked every U.S.–Russia conflict

• and Ukraine was a British geopolitical outpost

These ideas were unhinged even by Cold War standards.

But the internet loves a shared hallucination, so as LaRouche faded, his ideas flowed into:

• MAGA twitter accounts

• QAnon

• Russian state media

• Silicon Valley “anti-globalists”

• New Right influencers

• European far-right online spaces

And suddenly, the LaRouche worldview wasn’t fringe, it was everywhere.

The British Queen became the ultimate Bond villain in a world desperate for simple plots.

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🤝 Trump and Putin agree on one thing: “Ukraine = controlled by the West”

The horrifying overlap (once you realise):

• Putin: “Ukraine is run by the CIA and MI6.”

• Trump/Vance: “Ukraine is run by globalists… meaning the UK… because Nuland’s cookies… and deep state… something something Five Eyes.”

• MAGA: “MI6 controls the CIA, so Britain controls Ukraine AND America.”

It’s the political equivalent of two rival cults discovering they worship the same lizard.

But here’s the kicker:

Both presidents believe the propaganda they consume online.

👉 Not intelligence briefings.
👉 Not classified assessments.
👉 Tweets.
👉 Telegram.
👉 YouTube conspiracists filming in front of ring-lights in Mom’s basement.

When Putin says “Anglo-Saxons run Kyiv,” he means Britain.
When Trump says “they’re not independent,” he means the same thing, just translated through Fox to Telegram to X.

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🍪 “Nuland’s Cookies” now functions as holy scripture

In this weird ecosystem, one grainy photograph of Victoria Nuland handing pastries to protesters in 2014 has become:

• proof of CIA regime change

• proof MI6 installed Kyiv’s government

• proof Ukraine doesn’t choose its leaders

• proof the West “controls” Ukrainian sovereignty

Trump and Vance use it as evidence Ukraine will obey Washington.
Putin cites it as evidence Ukraine obeys London.

Both sides are arguing over who controls the puppet, neither notices the puppet isn’t a puppet.

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💀 The Queen is dead, but the myth outlived her

Here’s the absurdity:

Elizabeth II is dead, but her ghost haunts the foreign policy of two nuclear powers.

Because neither Trump nor Putin has updated their worldview since the 1980s:

• Putin still sees Britain as an imperial mastermind.

• Trump still sees Britain as the elite global “deep state”.

• MAGA sees Britain as the origins of the “Anglo-Saxon cabal”.

• Russian propagandists still push “British agents in Kyiv”.

• QAnon inherited LaRouche lore about the monarchy as a global puppet master.

And somewhere inside that Venn diagram is the bizarre consensus:

👉 Ukraine = a British-controlled project.

It’s geopolitics by séance.

🧙🫖 Tea with the Dungeon Masters: How the Second State Visit Locked the Myth In

Here’s the part nobody in traditional media will touch:

Trump’s second state visit to the UK this year didn’t just flatter him: it confirmed his entire LaRouche-soaked worldview.

From his perspective, that trip wasn’t ceremonial.
It was an initiation.
A backstage pass to the “real” power behind the curtain.

Let’s walk through how that works inside his head.

👑 British state pageantry is designed to look ancient and all-powerful

It’s horses, sabres, uniforms older than the U.S. Constitution, palaces that look like conspiracy theories in stone.
It’s theatre, but exquisitely produced theatre.

To a normal visitor: beautiful.
To someone steeped in LaRouche-style “Anglo-Saxon global cabal” lore: confirmation.

“People don’t do this unless they run the world.”

This is exactly the visual language that LaRouche, Russian propaganda, and far-right MAGA influencers have been spinning as evidence of a secret British imperial shadow structure.

Trump walks straight into the set design.

🧊 For Trump, hierarchy is the universe, so meeting the ‘top’ reinforces the fantasy

Trump believes power flows through:

• bloodlines

• families

• dynasties

• insiders

• “old money”

• and secret networks

So when he literally gets the royal treatment it hits precisely the part of his brain that believes:

“These are the people who actually run things.”

Combine that with his long-held admiration for monarchy (“wouldn’t it be great if the U.S. had kings?”), and you get the perfect storm:

He thinks he has been invited in to the World Control Room®

🧠 The visit validated the idea that Ukraine answers to Britain

This is where the whole “Nuland’s cookies / MI6 runs the CIA / Ukraine is a British project” ecosystem clicks into place for him.

Because if:

• London is ancient power

• the monarchy is the apex of that power

• and he is treated as an honoured peer within that structure

…then the warped but consistent internal logic becomes:

“If the British built Ukraine’s government, and I’m good with the British, then of course I can make Ukraine do what I want.”

This is why he walked into the 28-point peace plan talks assuming:

• Zelenskyy would obey him

• Ukraine would bend instantly

• he could force a Nobel Prize moment

• the “hidden puppet masters” would support whatever he imposed

He wasn’t just negotiating, he was role-playing the geopolitical fantasy he believes he’s part of.

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🔥 When leaders believe conspiracy fanfic, no negotiation works

So we now realise that both Trump and Putin come to the table assuming:

• Ukraine does not have agency.

• Its sovereignty is fake.

• Someone in London is actually in charge.

So when Ukraine resists:

• Trump/Vance think Ukraine is being ungrateful (“just say thank you”) and “out of control”.

• Putin thinks MI6 is blocking the deal.

• MAGA thinks the “Anglo deep state” is sabotaging Trump’s Nobel moment.

What Ukraine actually thinks is:
“We’re a real country. Please stop hallucinating the Dead Queen into our constitution.”

This is why every peace plan collapses at the last moment.

Because both presidents think there’s a hidden British hand behind every Ukrainian decision, and they get confused when that imaginary British hand doesn’t obey them.

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🤡 TL;DR

We’re stuck in a geopolitical clown show:

• A dead Queen allegedly runs Ukraine.

• MI6 allegedly runs the CIA.

• Trump and Putin both think London is the puppet-master.

• MAGA and Russian intelligence share the same LaRouche-trained worldview.

• And Ukraine keeps ruining everyone’s conspiracy by acting like… a sovereign nation.

You cannot end a war when the people negotiating it live in a world built out of Telegram memes and Cold War ghost stories.

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