❦ The Merry Wives of Mar-a-Lago ❦
A Prologue Set Forth in the Tongue of an Older England
A Warning Spoken Ere the Play Begin
The Author’s Apology
Good gentles all, attend awhile.
For though the age be new, and though men prate much of constitutions, ballots, and the machinery of the modern state, yet the world itself hath altered little in its humours. Where crowns have fallen, courts yet stand. Where sceptres lie broken, favour still reigneth. And where laws grow thin, proximity groweth thick.
Mistake it not: this is no realm of rules, but of rooms.
Here rise favourites with unseemly haste, and fall with equal swiftness. Here men agree until the hour turneth, and then agreement itself is reckoned fault. Here rumour doth the labour of statute, and banishment is wrought not by sword, but by silence.
And in such a court, as in all courts before it, marriage mattereth greatly.
Not for love alone, nor for lust, nor yet for the begetting of heirs, but for cover, for alliance, for the softening of suspicion, and for the fashioning of a household fit to survive the turning of the wheel. A wife well placed may quiet a thousand whispers. A widow, well timed, may govern where kings once raged.
This court hath no palace of stone, yet it hath its chambers. Its halls are conferences, its galleries podcasts, its masques fundraising dinners, and its heralds the ceaseless tongues of the media. Its abbesses cry purity. Its fools speak truth and are applauded for it. Its queens rule without crowns, and its widows inherit legitimacy while professing only to keep the keys.
Think not this strange.
It hath been so before.
In Windsor, in Whitehall, in Hampton Court, men strutted and schemed much the same, save that the garments were heavier and the wine less cold. There too were merry wives, who saw clearer than the men who bragged before them. There too were favourites who mistook access for permanence. There too were heresies punished not for their falseness, but for their ill timing.
If thou findest laughter here, take it. If thou findest discomfort, keep it closer still. For courts do not announce themselves. They are known only by their patterns.
And shouldst thou ask what this tale concerneth, and why it is told now, the answer is simple.
The crown is gone.
The court remains.
Why the Playwright Is of Greatest Use When the Times Are Most Perilous
In seasons of peace, men may speak plainly, and truth walk abroad without escort. But when times grow sharp, and the air itself is thick with watchfulness, then truth putteth on a mask, and goeth upon the stage.
For the Playwright doth what the Preacher dare not, and what the Lawyer may not. He speaketh of Princes without naming them, and of Crimes without charging them. He presenteth the World as it is, under the colour of the World as it was.
In former days, when crowns sat uneasy upon heads, it was not the chronicler who survived, nor the philosopher, nor the man of policy. It was the maker of plays.
For the Playwright accuseth no one, yet leaveth no one unexamined. He buildeth a mirror so carefully framed that each man seeth another, until too late he recogniseth himself.
When doctrine hardeneth, the sermon becometh dangerous. When law groweth fickle, the statute becometh treacherous. But the play, being neither command nor confession, passeth safely through the narrow gate.
It is therefore no small thing that the stage flourished in the days of Elizabeth, when words were weighed, loyalties suspect, and silence oft safer than speech. The Playwright learned to tell truth sidewise, to clothe censure in laughter, and to hide instruction within delight.
He understood that Power feareth not anger, but recognition.
Thus in dangerous times, when men are bid to choose sides before they have time to think, the Playwright remindeth them how thinking is done. He showeth how courts rot, how favourites fall, how marriages bind and betray, and how the Crowd is always last to know it hath been used.
And if the Playwright be accused of mischief, he answereth truly:
“I did but set men upon a stage, and let them speak.”
If any be offended, let them ask not who wrote the play, but why it ringeth so true.
For in all ages, the Stage hath been the last refuge of honest observation.
And when it too is silenced, the times are indeed most dangerous.
The Acts, As They Shall Be Performed
Act I – Of Courts Ancient and Modern
How Tudor England understood marriage as diplomacy, containment, and control.
Act II – Of Wives, Widows, and Useful Women
Catherine Parr and Erika Kirk: power after the husband’s fall.
Act III – Of Queens Without Crowns
Nuns, abbesses, and modern media matriarchs who ruled without men.
Act IV – Of Strategic Unions
Candace Owens, George Farmer, and the risks of marrying movements.
Act V – Of Masks and Marriages of Convenience
Respectability as costume, matrimony as camouflage.
Act VI – Of the Orange Court
Trump’s wives, Epstein’s salons, and the social technologies of denial.
Act VII – Of Fracture and Schism
What happens when alliances fail and loyalty becomes dangerous.
Act VIII – Of Bread, Fields, and Memory
Why these patterns persist, and why Shakespeare still sees us clearly.
Dramatis Personae
As they appear upon the stage, in no fixed order, for Fortune delighteth in confusion.
The Orange Duke of Mar-a-Lago
A thrice-married monarch of appetite and ambition, ruling by spectacle, grievance, and the divine right of ratings.
The First Wife (Ivana of the Eastern Marches)
Brought titles, legitimacy, and the airs of Europe. Discarded once the crown felt secure.
The Second Wife (Marla of the Theatre)
A marriage of passion and scandal, soon found politically inconvenient.
The Third Wife (Melania, the Silent Consort)
An ornamental queen, distant, inscrutable, and curiously detached, whose presence confers respectability without interference.
Lady Candace of the Many Alliances
A sharp-tongued courtier who rose swiftly by wit and fury, now caught betwixt patrons as loyalties fracture and old certainties fail.
Princess Erika, the Widow of the Standard
Once consort, now sovereign in her own right. Keeper of the flame after the fall of her lord, commanding the household with quiet authority.
Lord George the Farmer
A well-connected landowner from across the seas, husband of Lady Candace, and whose marriage bridged movements, money, and legitimacy, until the alliance soured upon foreign sands.
Lady Irina of Uncertain Origin
An inscrutable lady with expensive tastes but without a past, from the furthest Steppes, bearing many names and fewer records, moving freely among knights, courtiers, and castles.
Abbess Laura of the Trumpet
A herald of the faith, wielding words as weapons, feared and courted in equal measure.
Abbess Marjorie the Unruled
A power unto herself, owing fealty to none, a walking schism who commands devotion without permission.
The Chorus of Influencers, Donors, and Whisperers
Ever-present, ever-hungry, repeating the lines until they become truth.
❦ A Note from the Printer ❦
Gentle Reader,
Before thou proceedest further into this Play, it behoveth us to set down plainly what is herein intended, and what is not.
This Work nameth no Man a Villain, nor accuseth any Woman of Crime. It seeketh not to pry into Chambers, nor to weigh private Affections, nor to pass Judgement upon the Hearts of Persons living or dead.
It treateth only of Roles, of Customs, and of the ancient Habits of Power, which, though Men would have them forgotten, have a way of returning when the Times grow uncertain.
If any Reader, upon perusing these Acts, doth spy a Likeness to Persons now abroad in the World, let him consider whether the Likeness lieth in the Writing, or in the World itself. For the Printer hath set down Patterns, not Portraits.
This Play is offered neither as Slander nor as Revelation, but as Observation only. Courts are not invented by Authors, but discovered by them.
Those who read in good faith will find history.
Those who read in anger will find offence.
Those who read too closely may find themselves.
The Printer prayeth therefore that the Reader remember this:
That when Institutions weaken, old Forms reappear.
That when Power groweth personal, Marriage groweth political.
And that the Stage hath ever been the safest place to speak of dangerous things.
If thou art content with this, then read on.
If not, there be many other pamphlets for sale.
God save the Reader,
And God save the Realm.
The Censor’s Note
This Work hath been examined.
No seditious Doctrine hath been plainly advanced, nor any Person of Estate named outright. The Author speaketh much of History, Analogy, and the Customs of Former Times, which in themselves are not forbidden.
Yet it must be observed that the Tone of this Play is troublesome.
Though no Treason be declared, there is an unsettling Habit herein of Encouraging the Reader to Compare. Comparisons, whilst not unlawful, are rarely helpful to the Maintenance of Order.
Particular concern is taken with:
the frequent use of Marriage as Allegory
the elevation of Widows beyond their Station
the suggestion that Power may reside outside Office
and the implication that Courts may exist where none are officially acknowledged
The repeated insistence that no accusation is intended is noted.
It is further remarked that the Author employeth Humour where Gravity might be expected, and History where Silence would be more comfortable. Such Devices, though clever, have been known to excite unnecessary Reflection among the Curious.
Nevertheless, as no direct Offence may be circled in red ink, and as the Reader is presumed capable of Restraint, this Work is permitted to pass.
Let it be remembered, however, that Plays have a way of teaching Lessons their Authors claim not to intend.
Read with Caution.
Reading List for this Play
Norbert Elias, The Court Society
Explains courts as systems of dependence, reputation, proximity, and survival.
Ernst Kantorowicz, The King’s Two Bodies
Vital for:
founder vs institution
charisma vs legitimacy
why widows inherit symbolic power
This book explains Trump better than most Trump books.
G. R. Elton, The Tudor Revolution in Government
institutions emerging alongside court politics
why England oscillated between personal rule and bureaucracy
Perfect contrast for “why America regressed”.
Tudor England: women, widows, households
Susan E. James, Catherine Parr: Henry VIII’s Last Love
Best single book for widow-regent Parr as network stabiliser, not romantic survivor.
Linda Porter, Catherine Parr
Different emphasis, useful triangulation. Shows how Parr managed danger through timing, not purity.
Leanda de Lisle, The Sisters Who Would Be Queen
The Boleyn family as political infrastructure. Marriage as alliance, sisters as nodes.
Amy Louise Erickson, Women and Property in Early Modern England
why widows were powerful
why marriage mattered materially
why “cover” was structural, not moral
Shakespeare as analyst, not poet
Stephen Greenblatt, Will in the World
Shakespeare as a reader of power, survival, and reputation.
James Shapiro, 1599
Shows how theatre mirrored court anxiety, factionalism, and legitimacy crises.
Emma Smith, This Is Shakespeare
Very good at dismantling lazy readings.
Language, narrative, and links to Fields Fought Back
Melvyn Bragg, The Adventures of English
Language evolves with power, trade, conquest, and institutions
Court language shapes legitimacy
Political speech hardens when material conditions tighten
This directly ties:
Tudor courts → media courts
elite language → influencer language
propaganda → performative orthodoxy
Why Shakespeare still works: because he wrote at a moment when English itself was being weaponised as power moved.
Raymond Williams, Keywords
Shows how political language crystallises around material struggle.
George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language”
Short, sharp, timeless. Works beautifully alongside Bragg.
Modern courts, media, and patronage
Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
The influencer court bible. Performance, face, roles.
Pierre Bourdieu, Language and Symbolic Power
Why certain people can say certain things without consequence, and others cannot.
Jane Mayer, Dark Money
The modern treasury. Donors as patrons.
Anne Applebaum, Twilight of Democracy
Friendship networks, status anxiety, and ideological hardening.
Narrative laundering and modern propaganda
Peter Pomerantsev, Nothing Is True and Everything Is Possible
Narrative as weapon.
Timothy Snyder, The Road to Unfreedom
Strategic myth-making and sovereignty narratives.
Your Starter for 10
Norbert Elias: The Court Society
Melvyn Bragg: The Adventures of English
Catherine Parr: Either James or Porter
Kantorowicz: The King’s Two Bodies
Goffman: The Presentation of Self
Applebaum: Twilight of Democracy
If thou hast read so far, thou art already complicit.
Exit Reader, pursued by Thoughts.
Forsoothe, thine tongue hath receiveth wisdom as once ye Bard, ande wieldeth ye sword of thine pen as did he his quill.
Wow. This is good!